Wednesday, November 3, 2010

So, by June I'll of passed the 4th grade 5 times...

Evidently, I need 4th grade science projects assigned on a weekly basis, because I have absolutely NOTHING else constructive to occupy my time otherwise.  Laundry, dinner, taking care of four needy children, and running a business must be frivilous activites by some teachers' standards.  And unfortunately, some must be sniffing massive ammounts glue if they believe the children are contributing at all to these elaborately schemed projects.  But alas, if I had a class full of rude, unappreciative, rowdy 9 year olds, I'd be sniffing anything I could get my hands on too!

So far this year I've become well versed on electricity, how many different types of penguins there are in the world, how to build an underwater diarama, how to write a classified ad for a giraffe's habitat and many other world stopping tidbits of knowledge.  I have no idea how I functioned as an adult without knowing all of this beforehand.  Blasphemy! 

Here is my bucket list of things that children these days need to be versed on before we unleash them in to the world unattended:

-  How to correctly figure the amount of time it takes for your check to reach the bank, in relation to when your deposit goes through.  Also known as Check Floating 101.

-  How the police never seem to think it's as funny as you do...appropriately called Sucking Up to the Po-Po 112.

-  Exactly how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?  Ok, maybe this isn't imperative...but I'd like to know the answer!

-  How chewing gum in class greatly reduces the brain's ability to absorb must because it's been beaten into every child's head from the moment of conception that gum chewing in class is not tolerated!

-  The art of spontaneously thinking of random excuses when Jehovah Witnesses ring your doorbell at an ungodly hour on a Saturday morning wanting to come in and "discuss Jesus with you."

-  How to feed your family of 6 on less than $100/week...formly known as Urban Legends 100.

I'm sure there are more, but I need to finish my "conserving electricity" project that's due tomorrow!


  1. I totally love the way you write. I have 5 sons--two are severely autistic with epilepsy. I am 60 now but my two youngest sons are 17 and 19. I am a grandmother of three adorable little grandsons. You are cracking me up with all of these posts. I was here to check out your bead soup offering but I got distracted by Mooby! Now i know how to make a bow, thanks to you!!! And i got my first laugh of the morning. YOU ARE ALREADY PRECIOUS TO ME. love!!! jean yates