Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The next installment

I live in a bad soap opera...really, I couldn't make this up if I wanted to...it's the Beverly Hillbillies minus the Beverly Hills part, meets Guiding Light, meets The Burbs (Ok, no sense of community here and nothing at all like the movie...but I love this movie, so I had to shamelessly plug it!)

There's absolutely nothing I'd rather wake up to on a Tuesday morning than the sound of a police scanner, bellowing loud enough to break the sound barrier!  I mean doesn't everyone have this fantasy?  Yet, I was "the chosen one"...

I was nestled, all snug in my bed, while having visions of sugar plums dancing in my head (my version includes waking up to a clean house, where children are perfectly behaved, the laundry has been washed, dried, folded & put away, and I still look 20)....

It took a few minutes for me to gather my thoughts together.  Was I dreaming?  Was I honning in on an unfound psychic ability?  Was God trying to get something through my thick skull (damn, my parents were right all along)? 

Nope, yet again my neighbors are at the root of this!  You guessed it, the ones with the unique moving truck still parked haphazardly in their back yard...with lovely specimens of vegetation growing around it...picturesque, if I do say so myself. 

There was no way it was coming from inside their house....they must be deaf, which seems plausible considering how loudly they all speak.  I had to get up to investigate.  Could it be some riot where the police had to set up a base station right outside our home?  No, that can't be it, as no matter what happens around here the only response our PD can give you is "there's just nothing we can do about it."  They are simply in the community for show.

Upon further investigation I tracked the source down to their car.  You know, the one they park in the backyard next to their camper/truck?  They can't park it on the street like everyone else, because car thieves everywhere are Jonesing for a 1980, rusted out, muffler optional, tarp covering the window because it won't roll up, silver Oldsmobile.  Complete with, count them, 3 original rusted out wire rims!!  It's a car theft waiting to happen, I tell ya!

Now remember...it's 6:30 am.!!  On a freaking Tuesday morning!  Who on earth would be listening to a scanner at that unGodly time of day?  No one apparently.  Vehicle?  Empty.  Yard?  Empty.  Back makeshift porch?  Empty.  It's like a ghost town...minus the tumbleweed, add in the lush vegetation around the moving device.  These people are still having their sugarplum induced dreams!!!

Every day, all day, I have the pleasure to listening to "their entertainment"...that I've never actually witnessed them reaping the benefits of! 

I now know how the Koresh compound felt while having to endure Tibetan Buddhist chants, bagpipes, seagulls crying, helicopters, dentist drills, sirens, dying rabbits, a train, and songs by Alice Cooper and Nancy Sinatra...

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